Day 1, it’s just time, June 30 2008. 751pm. This is it, no more. Am I sure. Not really. Not sure at all. I probably can’t do it more than a couple days at the most. I mean it’s only the 14th time I’ve tried, but hey everytime I try, it’s one more attempt that could work right? 832pm, my leg just can’t stop shaking. I need to keep my mind occupied…Oh thank god I have a rental movie, Gridiron Gang, have you guys seen it? It wasn’t bad. Glad I had it, because it helped me get through day 1. Day 2. It’s bright and early, glad I have a few things to do before I start working…take Brownie out, feed him breakfast, wash up, just enough to keep my mind occupied. 723am, Man, this feeling…just like I can’t control myself…my mind on 50 different things at once…My fingers are curling up, and I can’t get my mind off of the urge. Need to browse the web. ARGGGGH. It’s not an option. 734am, the feeling is a little under control now. Phew. 1120am, errr there my fingers go again. I can’t stop shaking my damn leg. I keep wanting to do something…it’s like my 8th piece of gum, my mouth is starting to hurt. 238pm, alright I need to do something. I’m getting some ice cream. A large ice cream, oreo, strawberries, blueberries mixins with cheesecake ice cream. Brownie don’t u dare. 420pm, ARGH. 632pm, ARGGHHH. This shit SUCKS. When I’m sitting there, my muscles in my arm twitch. They have this feeling like I’m lifting something but all I’m doing is sitting there. No I will not give in. Surprisingly, I slept early.Day 3. Getting up is really easy for some odd reason. Maybe my body thinks I’m about to give in. 918am, I think I’ve just about seen every site there is. I’ve literrally viewed the same sites over and over. I just can’t take it, but IT’S NOT AN OPTION. 1159pm lunch! I had microwave pasta dish, wasn’t bad with some tabasco, some left over rice and sausages. Still need something to keep my mind occupied. Gum. Good. My hands still curl and the mind still wanders. My legs are still shaking. Day 4. 858am The urges have died down considerably. But it’s still there. Today is day 4 and my legs are still shaking, but instead of browsing sites, I’m writing this. IT’S NOT AN OPTION.

It’s been awhile since I’ve actually been active on my blog for a period of more than a couple days in a long time, in the meantime, I feel like I’ve alienated many of my fellow bloggers and for that I’m sorry.

It was never my intention to do that, but I did. I just lost interest in so many things, and unfortunately, blogging was one of them.

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I feel like I’m stuck in the middle, not brainwashed, but just stuck.  This video reminds me of what I felt like just a few years ago.  Where has it gone?

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Life the past months has been rocky at best.  Unhappy with so many things, my unrealistic belief that work and life is supposed to be FUN proven extremely mistaken.  Life has taken a toll on my enthusiasm.  Unenthused, detached from everything and almost everyone.  No interest in computers, financials, hobbies…My life is/was just…Bleh.  I could care less what happened to myself, and to some degree others, although if anything, others were the only people that, at times, lifted me out of gloom for brief moments.  I’ve had a few of those “what purpose do I have on this earth” moments, which usually results in some inspiration to do something for the greater good of mankind, but in my case ended with, “who cares.”

Financially, I was bringing in income that I had made while working in college…definitely, low enough to categorize me pretty close to the bottom tier on the national income meter.  But to be honest, I just did not care.  I still don’t really.  But I’ve found that my fundamental money habits helped me save and grow my current income regardless of my fairly whatever attitude about my savings.  I didn’t go on binge spending runs.  I didn’t place my money in reckless investments.  I just did the samethings I used to do when I did care, pay my bills, put money in more conservative investment vehicles, sell stocks since my tax rates would be lower.  I just didn’t look at my net worth…And to be honest, it feels kind of good.  Not caring…not caring about money. 

But I want to get out of this funk.  The enthusiasm I had for life just a few years ago is gone, and I don’t know why.  Mid life crisis?  Doubtful.  Medical depression?  Meh, possible, but my belief is there’s something more.  Why can’t I excite myself like before?  I’m not interested in things like technology, blogging, or finances, and I can’t figure out why.  I’m very confused about life in general, and I really don’t know why.  I have no idea why I feel the way I do, and I have no idea how I will figure it out.

This is not a call for help in anyway, because I’m still living my life.  And here’s the weird part, it’s not like I’m completely undriven to do anything, I still work.  I still do daily things.  I just don’t care about anything that’s not a necessity.  It’s as if I’m living my life with the gas tank at E…but the car just won’t run out of gas.  In someways I guess that’s nice today since gas is so damn expensive.  I’m going to survive.  There are a lot of people in worse positions than I am.  Enough ranting for me today…So how are you doing?

The world absolutely sucks.  So much crap going on in the world, who cares about finances?  Okay, I still care, but lately, not as much. Since finances aren’t so important to me at the moment for some unknown resason. I thought I’d share some feelings with you–some financial, others not–of things I just don’t understand in the world today.
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This post won’t contain much financials, but it’s more a “sign of life,” like identifying water molecules in the atmosphere of a foreign planet.

The past few months since leaving my job has been rather uneventful. What’s even worse, life being such a bore seems to be pulling me down a dark, deep abyss. Unmotivated to do much else than get through the day.

I’m not use to this, and I’m not sure what to do.

Usually, I feel like changing my life…pursuing new adventures…seeking out new things to do. It ain’t happening this time. Am I deperessed? Am I just going through a phase? Beats the heck out of me.

I do know that since leaving my last job, I feel like every penny is that much more valuable. Do I feel like I regret leaving my job to pursue new things? Yes. What’s done is done though. Life goes on.

What has leaving my old job taught me? Maybe you put up with certain things you may not enjoy to make a living. Maybe the “job I love” is really just a myth and doesn’t exist–work is work. Bah.

At the moment, I’m helping out where I can with the family business.

Stayed tuned…I hope to find the motivation to blog someday in the future…hopefully the near future. Most likely with a different perspective on finances.

At least the PF Universe is thriving…many of my old pf friends are still blogging away. Blog on…blog on.

I need to take my own advice.

Well, it’s been a bad week for ffb.  I’ve wanted to post about so many things and reply to my readers, but I just couldn’t muster the energy to do it.  Works been horrible, various life events have sucked, and worst of all I get crapped on…literally.

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Sorry, I was trying to get this published at 12pm HST, but ran into some delays…

As if my blogging reputation hadn’t died a long time ago…lol.  I kind of didn’t really think about the consequences of a post like this, because well, if I did I don’t think I’d ever put myself out there like that, but I can’t believe how civil the questions have been!  Seriously, great questions, and nothing really offensive.  I didn’t know what to expect.  I want to thank everyone that left their questions for me and Brownie, and even those that considered, but never posted.  Hey the thought was there, and I may have another ask me anything post in the future, and other bloggers, feel free to meme, and let me know.  I’ll link you up to this post…

This will probably be the longest post I will EVER post.  So sit back, get your popcorn, put your browser in auto-scroll mode, and enjoy!

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I should be posting my responses in about 4 hours or so…at around 12:00PM HST, 3:00PM Pacific…After I’ve had a few Gin Tonics….

Don’t lose or misplace those old glasses!  Keep em somewhere you can find them just in case.  Just in case you’re at the beach not paying attention when a wave hits you from the back and knocks your glasses into the water

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