Life the past months has been rocky at best. Unhappy with so many things, my unrealistic belief that work and life is supposed to be FUN proven extremely mistaken. Life has taken a toll on my enthusiasm. Unenthused, detached from everything and almost everyone. No interest in computers, financials, hobbies…My life is/was just…Bleh. I could care less what happened to myself, and to some degree others, although if anything, others were the only people that, at times, lifted me out of gloom for brief moments. I’ve had a few of those “what purpose do I have on this earth” moments, which usually results in some inspiration to do something for the greater good of mankind, but in my case ended with, “who cares.”
Financially, I was bringing in income that I had made while working in college…definitely, low enough to categorize me pretty close to the bottom tier on the national income meter. But to be honest, I just did not care. I still don’t really. But I’ve found that my fundamental money habits helped me save and grow my current income regardless of my fairly whatever attitude about my savings. I didn’t go on binge spending runs. I didn’t place my money in reckless investments. I just did the samethings I used to do when I did care, pay my bills, put money in more conservative investment vehicles, sell stocks since my tax rates would be lower. I just didn’t look at my net worth…And to be honest, it feels kind of good. Not caring…not caring about money.
But I want to get out of this funk. The enthusiasm I had for life just a few years ago is gone, and I don’t know why. Mid life crisis? Doubtful. Medical depression? Meh, possible, but my belief is there’s something more. Why can’t I excite myself like before? I’m not interested in things like technology, blogging, or finances, and I can’t figure out why. I’m very confused about life in general, and I really don’t know why. I have no idea why I feel the way I do, and I have no idea how I will figure it out.
This is not a call for help in anyway, because I’m still living my life. And here’s the weird part, it’s not like I’m completely undriven to do anything, I still work. I still do daily things. I just don’t care about anything that’s not a necessity. It’s as if I’m living my life with the gas tank at E…but the car just won’t run out of gas. In someways I guess that’s nice today since gas is so damn expensive. I’m going to survive. There are a lot of people in worse positions than I am. Enough ranting for me today…So how are you doing?
So life handed me a bunch of lemons this week…The saying goes, “Life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” I say screw that! I’m going to make me some lemon bars.