I’ve been giving some thought to the next step in my life. Besides getting a house, what’s left? Get married? Uhh, no. Need to find a girlfriend first. Another dog? Maybe. How about adopting or fostering? Yes, definitely. After I get settled in my home, it’s something I’m going to consider very seriously.
- Can I be a single male foster/adoptive parent?
- What do I need to do?
- How much will it cost? (minus raising the kid part)
- Would I be a good parent?
According to the National Commission on Family Foster Care, sponsored by the Child Welfare League of America and the National Foster Parent Association:
“Family foster care is an essential service for children and parents who must live apart while maintaining legal, and usually, affectionate ties. The value of family foster care is that it can respond to the unique, individual needs of infant, children, youths, and their families through the strength of family living, and through family and community supports.”
The goal of family foster care is to provide opportunities for healing, growth and development leading to healthier infants, children, youths and families, with safe, nurturing relationships intended to last a lifetime.
According to the Child Welfare League of America, in its National Adoption Standards, adoption is the means of transferring to a child and adoptive parent all the legal rights that they would have if that child had been born to those parents.
The value of adoption is that it provides children with the basic needs of every child: the legal status, social status, and commitment that comes from having a family of your own in which to grow up.
The goal of adoption is to provide a child with a family that intends to offer a lifetime relationship.
Can you live a “full” life without kids? Can life be complete without getting married? More to come on this topic in the future…I guarantee it.
D
August 18, 2006 at 9:43 am
As you may have guessed I advocate having children. Money and things are good, but in my view there is something so cool in knowing they are there and life goes on.
I have spent a lot of time with seniors who had no kids, they all say the same thing – they didn’t know what they were missing. Funny, cause when you talk to people with out kids they are so sure of their decision.
I guess I would give up everything for them. As far as fostering or adopting, I would love this. Except I have a friend who is a foster mother and that has had kids taken away and sent back to disfunctional homes. I would never survive this. I’m not strong enough. Once I gettum their mine.
Anonymous
August 18, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Another option, which falls in the middle, is Big Brothers/ Big Sisters. I did this when I was single and continued until my little brother moved away. Since I had a wife and child by then, I did not get a new little and continue with the program.
It’s not at all like having your own child, but I enjoyed it, and it’s nice to feel you are helping a kid.
Millionaire Artist
August 18, 2006 at 12:32 pm
I think it’s really great to be thinking about family, no matter what package your family comes in (natural, adopted, whatever)! But I think you can still contribute to this world in a positive way without having kids. You might want to consider volunteering as a Big Brother/Big Sister or in a similar organization as a way to give back to the community and make a difference in a kid’s life. There is a great need for that.
Mary
August 18, 2006 at 1:15 pm
Go for it and good luck I hope everything turns out good for you http://adoptionandtherisks.blogspot.com/
Tricia
August 18, 2006 at 2:02 pm
I couldn’t imagine life without my son. He’s like a little mini-me. So much so that we butt heads a lot but he’s taught me so much about life and he’s only 4. I’m seeing the world all over again through his eyes.
He goes to kindergarden this year – my little boy is growing up *snif, snif*
Single Ma
August 18, 2006 at 2:45 pm
Interesting…
I can’t imagine life without my child, so I don’t know any other way. My opinion may be biased, so I’ll just shut up now.
Beachgirl
August 18, 2006 at 2:51 pm
I too have had these same thoughts and questions. I long ago told my mom I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to get married and have kids. I wasn’t going to settle just for the sake of being married. I’ve thought about adoption, but I’m not sure yet. I’ve got lots of time. But I’m happy with my life, so if I don’t get married or have kids, then I’m happy with that. My mom calls my cats her grand-kitties.
freedumb
August 19, 2006 at 1:24 pm
Thanks for all the feedback folks. I took some time to respond to comments, because it is something that’s pretty important to me. I’m on the side that children are truly a gift. I think life can be full with or without kids, but I think it’d be much different with.
D, I don’t want to look back when I’m too old and wish I had raised kids…I also hear you about fostering. I don’t know if I could handle raising a kid, and then having them taken away. That would suck.
Anonymous, That sounds like an interesting option! I just looked at the Big Brothers, Big Sisters website…it sounds like a possibility.
Millionaire Artist, I hear ya…
Mary, Interesting blog. I hope you keep at it! Looks like you have a lot to share.
Tricia, Watching Brownie grow up is pretty cool. Watching a kid grow up must be amazing.
Single Ma, Biased or not, I’d love to hear your opinion. I could probably have answered this question on my own about your position just by your blog. There’s no doubt you and baby girl are one special duo.
Beachgirl, hah…My parents can’t even tell my dog to go to dad…they tell Brownie to go to his “boss.” I actually don’t like being called that. I feel like telling them, “I’m his dad. Get over it.” I feel like I have time too…and I am content with life, I just feel like there’s a part of it that’s not complete until I’ve had a chance to raise a child…I’m not sure why. I imagine doing all the things my parents never did with me…
MsMiniducky
August 20, 2006 at 6:42 pm
I’m not against kids but I’d hesitate to have my own kids because I fear passing along some issues that I live with and feel like it just wouldn’t be fair.
I have, however, always wanted to foster kids (even though seeing them get sent back to dysfunctional homes would break my heart) because there are so many kids stuck in a foster care system that doesn’t always have the best choices of foster homes. I can’t say that I know I’d be a good parent so I’m still hesitant but I do know that at least the very least, I’d have their health and interests in mind and heart.
freedumb
August 20, 2006 at 11:02 pm
MsMiniDucky, The fact that you are aware of the issues you don’t want to pass along makes me think you probably won’t.
I’d have their health and interests in mind and heart.
Wish I could speak from experience, but that definitely sounds like a pretty important point.
Marie Braden
August 21, 2006 at 7:26 am
I don’t think it’s necessary to have children to have a fulfilled life. If you have to ask if you want them, you prolly don’t, you know? However, that said, if you DO want them, then that’s great!
finance girl
August 21, 2006 at 7:21 pm
I think everyone’s different, and I think if you want kids, go for it! I wanted them but it didn’t work out for us, and we are pretty much ok with it. I have had many examples of people without kids in my life (including seniors) and think it’s just knowing what you want. I actually have known seniors who were fine not having kids; they had very active lives and social circles.
Kate
October 5, 2006 at 8:38 am
I’ve raised 5 kids and can’t imagine life without them. I’d do it over again in a heartbeat.
But I feel that it is a very individual decision. My youngest has no desire to have kids and was smart enough to fall in love with a man who doesn’t want them either.
I work for a social services organization that does both foster care and adoption/pregnancy counseling. There is a world of good people out there ready to open their homes to children who need them. Foster parents can (and do) choose to only accept medically challenged children, sibling groups, babies, older kids or only those who would be available to adopt. We do open, closed, international and designated adoptions, ranging from 5k to 20k.
I wish everyone would stop and consider parenthood as carefully as some of you have/are. We’d need less of foster care and pregnancy counseling.
freedumb
October 6, 2006 at 6:54 pm
Thanks for all your feedback everyone!